Daily reality check: Abusive boyfriends actually come off as having the better personality to begin with and slowly change.
The manipulation, isolation, verbal assaults, and passive aggressive behaviors don't leave physical scars that others can see. The abuser often denies his abuse and tries to place the blame on his victim. This form of abuse erodes the victim's sense of self-worth and judgement. It is almost a form of brainwashing that keeps a woman bound to the person who causes her suffering.
That's not exactly success in dating. It's one sided and causes tons of harm, emotional and physical. If just having a person be with you despite of how unhappy both of you counts as success then I guess it is.
Morals are not the only thing. And morally better is rather vague. Things you have in common, respect, humor, drive and many other things go into a happy and healthy relationship. If you just want sex then you can find a drunk chick at a bar and flash some personality and fun, but a good relationship requires a lot from both sides and even then they don't always work out or happen in the first place. I know plenty of people who are always happier alone but keep getting into shit relationships because they don't know how to be alone and okay. I think there might be a fundamental misunderstanding on what happiness with someone else is.
People here aren't morons. They know abuse is bad. They know a happy loving relationship is better than an abusive one. They're angry that abusers are still doing better than incels (at least getting girlfriends and getting laid, even if in toxic relationships).
It doesn't matter if Prince Charming does better than both abusers and incels. We know we can't be Prince Charming. But incels at least think we're better people than abusers, so it's frustrating to see even abusers can get laid.
I'd argue it's not the success you should compare yourself to. It's similar to being jealous of a murderers success at being famous. Yes he got more recognition than you, but he did it by disgusting and vile means. By that standard it's not success unless all you want out of life is to get laid. And if that's all you want then there are easier ways to get it. Being jealous of that person's "success" is ignorant in a way I can't describe. So, yes, if you truly believe they are doing "better" than you I would argue you are indeed morons for that specific belief. I think many of you are intelligent in many respects, but your understanding on life as it relates to relationships and sex is warped. You are chasing the wrong thing, sex won't make you any more or less who you are, just as a relationship won't. Focusing on this is what keeps you farther from it and far, far from any happiness. I don't think you are all morons or bad people like most do, I just believe you misunderstand what you are chasing and the effect it has on life.
But that's all my personal belief. this subject in particular is a pretty disgusting view to take. Their is no happiness, success or achievement in how abusers go about manipulating their way into people and destroying them, and being jealous of that or attempting to emulate it, even without the intention of abuse is still, to be quite honest, disgusting. Tbh thinking of it as any kind of success is disgusting as it shows you believe in that attitude. You would believe that rape is success, and you should believe this is either.
When browsing other communities, you should take a pointer anthropologists - take the time to get to know and understand people, their customs, and their motivations before assuming and judging. Your reply is way off base because of false assumptions and judgments.
You would believe that rape is success
Nope. No one here wants to rape women or views rape as success. The success is not the act of sex, but the selection by females.
We don't actually want to be abusers either. We wouldn't find happiness in manipulating people and destroying them, contrary to what IT and all the other haters here think. We couldn't consider it succeeding at life. That's why we don't do it. Most incels are actually decent human beings who would never hurt another person.
What you're seeing is male outrage at the female attraction mechanism. Women are more attracted to abusers than incels. We're not jealous of the abuser's life. We don't want his type of relationship. We're jealous/angry that she's more attracted to him than us, despite all his negative qualities. This is even more aggravating when IT comes and tells us that we're single because of our misogyny and bad personalities. Abusers are far more misogynistic and worse people, but that does not stop them! Therefore, it's not our personalities holding us back. It's looks and primal attraction.
sex won't make you any more or less who you are, just as a relationship won't.
Ok, put your money where your mouth is. Choose to have no sex or relationships for the next 2 years.
I've chosen not to have a relationship or sex for multiple years. When I got sober a few years ago I chose not to as part of my plan of recovery. It was fine. I made friends male and female and things were fine. I have plenty of friends who chose to do the same. I can safely say when my mind wasn't on relationships or sex that I was happy. You should also know that once again women may be attracted to people who manipulate, lie and abuse for the wrong reasons. Not because of attraction, but to emotional manipulation. I have seen these abusive relationships that have little to do with attraction physically, but because of emotional security the relationship initially provided. Once that is I trained, self worth destroyed and their mind manipulated into feeling themselves at fault it becomes painful to leave. They develop the illusion of love and they stay. So while you may say that you don't believe in any of that the fact that you view these women or men as "successful" or thing that it means anything good says a whole lot.
So while you may say that you don't believe in any of that the fact that you view these women or men as "successful" or thing that it means anything good says a whole lot.
False assumptions and judgmental misinterpretations, yet again. Says a whole lot about you and your purpose on this sub. It's why others are antagonistic to you.
Read carefully. I don't view the abusive relationships as successful. I don't view the people as successful human beings. The "success" is in one narrow dimension only: being able to generate attraction (physical or emotional). It's not seeing their whole lives or relationships as a "success". It's the one dimension only.
Big picture, looking at their whole lives and relationships, no one here views them as a success. No one wants to be that. That's why they post all those memes about abusers. Incels consider abusers the opposite of a success. They consider themselves superior.
What if some murderer heroin addict won the 100 m dash at the Olympics? He would be considered a "success" at the 100 m dash, but that doesn't mean anyone sees his whole life as a success or wants to be him. Are you too dumb to understand the difference?
That's a poor comparison. The reason the abuser got the girl is due to his abuse and everything in it, the manipulation, lying, etc...
If someone using performance enhancing drugs or steroids won he would not be viewed as a success. That's something a little closer and more true to life.
The reason the abuser got the girl is due to his abuse and everything in it, the manipulation, lying, etc...
No, that's the reason he kept the girl. He kept the girl in the relationship due to abuse, manipulation and lying. The "success" isn't the relationship though, so those parts aren't how he "won".
The success is the initial attraction, how he got the girl in the first place. He didn't use abuse for that.
Edit: many times the manipulation and lying is what starts the relationship. Not the physical attraction.
There's no opportunity to lie or manipulate if she won't even give you the time of day, if there's not even a first date or hookup. He needs an "in" before he can sew the seeds. Abuse usually starts later on.
How does he get that "in"? She feels initial attraction or interest, long enough to give him a chance. Incels don't even get that.
But I thought that you couldn’t hide a bad personality? That’s what IT always tells us when we say we don’t act like this IRL.
If it was all about hiding our feelings on the blackpill, we would all be getting some initial attention, and then once people learned we had “bad personalities”, then they’d leave us.
This never happens. Abusing men get attention before they are found out as abusive. Incels never get attention (and the vast majority of incels wouldn’t be abusive anyways).
But of course they will never acknowledge that.... And those fuckign cunts would be better off with me than ANYONE else, but those dumb whores only want chad, I'm indescribably GLAD about women being beaten by their boyfriends as it shpows them what fucking happpens when they don't go for guys like me.
Well I know I'm not going to get a girlfriend so why shouldn't I be glad those cunts are suffering because of their own shitty judgement and for not going for guys like me?
They’d be worse off with you because then they’d be with someone with an equally shitty, abusive attitude towards them but who is somehow significantly more pathetic. It would be a complete lose-lose scenario.
What do you think is the upside of dating you? What does someone who says “I’m glad women get beaten” offer to women? “Women who get abused are cunts.” Gee, I wonder why you’re alone.
They’d be worse off with you because then they’d be with someone with an equally shitty, abusive attitude towards them but who is somehow significantly more pathetic. It would be a complete lose-lose scenario.
Right... Just accuse me of being shitty, abusive and pathetic right off the bat...
What do you think is the upside of dating you? What does someone who says “I’m glad women get beaten” offer to women? “Women who get abused are cunts.” Gee, I wonder why you’re alone.
Well maybe they wouldn't get beaten if they were with me and weren't ungrateful cunts.
If women actually cared about personality they would leave when the abuse starts, but women don't care about being abused as long as it's Chad who is hitting them.
IT: Incels cant get laid because of their shitty personality.
Incels: But people around us don't know we are like this, they think we're normal.
IT: Women CAN subconsciously sense your misoginy and hate.
Incels: How about abusive and manipulative boyfriends, why can't women detect them?
IT: Because women CAN'T subconsciously sense his misoginy and hate.
This is only if you assume everyone who is a boyfriend is abusive, which is a ridiculous concept.
Everything is so black and white on this sub. ALL men and ALL women behave this EXACT way.
The trend here is most of you guys are 18 - 25. Dating is fucking hard at that age, especially if you are a late-bloomer like I was. You guys are so obsessed with this mythical Chad that is basically just guys more attractive than you. Spoiler alert: there are billions of people more attractive than you.
Your math doesn’t add up, or you intentionally ignore any successful relationship. I get being unattractive is hard, I dealt with it for years, but the black and white mentality here doesn’t reflect reality.
Im sure they have a history of abusive behaviour. But most abusers do not show that side at the start of a relationship. You don't win people over like that.
They do. The girls just ignore them or try to rationalise it. "I'm sure he won't do it to me." "He was just misguided." "He's changed a lot since then."
They may know of his abusive past and use those justifications yes. But the fact is he is nice to them to start with to win them over. Girls don't get into relationships with guys that hit them on the first date.
This. So much this. I'm not unattractive (maybe 6 face, but fairly tall), but was a late bloomer and am socially awkward. Dating has always been a struggle for me, but forcing myself to interact with girls made it easier and has led me to have some decent relationships.
Your math doesn’t add up, or you intentionally ignore any successful relationship.
Let this sink in. Look around. People have relationships. It's not just one night stands.
Find a different approach. That’s not a joke. Find women with similar interests or through different media. Of course if you reek of misogyny then you will probably continue to get rejected.
They may know of his abusive past and use those justifications yes. But the fact is he is nice to them to start with to win them over. Girls don't get into relationships with guys that hit them on the first date.
44 comments
1 Seductive_Squid 2018-05-22
Daily reality check: Abusive boyfriends actually come off as having the better personality to begin with and slowly change.
1 rileymils 2018-05-22
So success in dating isn't necessarily based off of a persons morality?
1 Megaman0WillFuckUrGF 2018-05-22
That's not exactly success in dating. It's one sided and causes tons of harm, emotional and physical. If just having a person be with you despite of how unhappy both of you counts as success then I guess it is.
1 GeneticCleansing 2018-05-22
Yeah it is success with dating. If we are morally better than abusive boyfriends, then surely we should score at least a few times.
1 Megaman0WillFuckUrGF 2018-05-22
Morals are not the only thing. And morally better is rather vague. Things you have in common, respect, humor, drive and many other things go into a happy and healthy relationship. If you just want sex then you can find a drunk chick at a bar and flash some personality and fun, but a good relationship requires a lot from both sides and even then they don't always work out or happen in the first place. I know plenty of people who are always happier alone but keep getting into shit relationships because they don't know how to be alone and okay. I think there might be a fundamental misunderstanding on what happiness with someone else is.
1 PhucCheet 2018-05-22
It's more success than incels have.
People here aren't morons. They know abuse is bad. They know a happy loving relationship is better than an abusive one. They're angry that abusers are still doing better than incels (at least getting girlfriends and getting laid, even if in toxic relationships).
It doesn't matter if Prince Charming does better than both abusers and incels. We know we can't be Prince Charming. But incels at least think we're better people than abusers, so it's frustrating to see even abusers can get laid.
1 Megaman0WillFuckUrGF 2018-05-22
I'd argue it's not the success you should compare yourself to. It's similar to being jealous of a murderers success at being famous. Yes he got more recognition than you, but he did it by disgusting and vile means. By that standard it's not success unless all you want out of life is to get laid. And if that's all you want then there are easier ways to get it. Being jealous of that person's "success" is ignorant in a way I can't describe. So, yes, if you truly believe they are doing "better" than you I would argue you are indeed morons for that specific belief. I think many of you are intelligent in many respects, but your understanding on life as it relates to relationships and sex is warped. You are chasing the wrong thing, sex won't make you any more or less who you are, just as a relationship won't. Focusing on this is what keeps you farther from it and far, far from any happiness. I don't think you are all morons or bad people like most do, I just believe you misunderstand what you are chasing and the effect it has on life.
But that's all my personal belief. this subject in particular is a pretty disgusting view to take. Their is no happiness, success or achievement in how abusers go about manipulating their way into people and destroying them, and being jealous of that or attempting to emulate it, even without the intention of abuse is still, to be quite honest, disgusting. Tbh thinking of it as any kind of success is disgusting as it shows you believe in that attitude. You would believe that rape is success, and you should believe this is either.
1 PhucCheet 2018-05-22
When browsing other communities, you should take a pointer anthropologists - take the time to get to know and understand people, their customs, and their motivations before assuming and judging. Your reply is way off base because of false assumptions and judgments.
Nope. No one here wants to rape women or views rape as success. The success is not the act of sex, but the selection by females.
We don't actually want to be abusers either. We wouldn't find happiness in manipulating people and destroying them, contrary to what IT and all the other haters here think. We couldn't consider it succeeding at life. That's why we don't do it. Most incels are actually decent human beings who would never hurt another person.
What you're seeing is male outrage at the female attraction mechanism. Women are more attracted to abusers than incels. We're not jealous of the abuser's life. We don't want his type of relationship. We're jealous/angry that she's more attracted to him than us, despite all his negative qualities. This is even more aggravating when IT comes and tells us that we're single because of our misogyny and bad personalities. Abusers are far more misogynistic and worse people, but that does not stop them! Therefore, it's not our personalities holding us back. It's looks and primal attraction.
Ok, put your money where your mouth is. Choose to have no sex or relationships for the next 2 years.
1 Megaman0WillFuckUrGF 2018-05-22
I've chosen not to have a relationship or sex for multiple years. When I got sober a few years ago I chose not to as part of my plan of recovery. It was fine. I made friends male and female and things were fine. I have plenty of friends who chose to do the same. I can safely say when my mind wasn't on relationships or sex that I was happy. You should also know that once again women may be attracted to people who manipulate, lie and abuse for the wrong reasons. Not because of attraction, but to emotional manipulation. I have seen these abusive relationships that have little to do with attraction physically, but because of emotional security the relationship initially provided. Once that is I trained, self worth destroyed and their mind manipulated into feeling themselves at fault it becomes painful to leave. They develop the illusion of love and they stay. So while you may say that you don't believe in any of that the fact that you view these women or men as "successful" or thing that it means anything good says a whole lot.
1 PhucCheet 2018-05-22
False assumptions and judgmental misinterpretations, yet again. Says a whole lot about you and your purpose on this sub. It's why others are antagonistic to you.
Read carefully. I don't view the abusive relationships as successful. I don't view the people as successful human beings. The "success" is in one narrow dimension only: being able to generate attraction (physical or emotional). It's not seeing their whole lives or relationships as a "success". It's the one dimension only.
Big picture, looking at their whole lives and relationships, no one here views them as a success. No one wants to be that. That's why they post all those memes about abusers. Incels consider abusers the opposite of a success. They consider themselves superior.
What if some murderer heroin addict won the 100 m dash at the Olympics? He would be considered a "success" at the 100 m dash, but that doesn't mean anyone sees his whole life as a success or wants to be him. Are you too dumb to understand the difference?
1 Megaman0WillFuckUrGF 2018-05-22
That's a poor comparison. The reason the abuser got the girl is due to his abuse and everything in it, the manipulation, lying, etc...
If someone using performance enhancing drugs or steroids won he would not be viewed as a success. That's something a little closer and more true to life.
1 PhucCheet 2018-05-22
No, that's the reason he kept the girl. He kept the girl in the relationship due to abuse, manipulation and lying. The "success" isn't the relationship though, so those parts aren't how he "won".
The success is the initial attraction, how he got the girl in the first place. He didn't use abuse for that.
1 PhucCheet 2018-05-22
There's no opportunity to lie or manipulate if she won't even give you the time of day, if there's not even a first date or hookup. He needs an "in" before he can sew the seeds. Abuse usually starts later on.
How does he get that "in"? She feels initial attraction or interest, long enough to give him a chance. Incels don't even get that.
1 bigantennaemay1 2018-05-22
You chose it, we didn't.
1 bigantennaemay1 2018-05-22
2 years? Ha! Child's play. They should try 5, at least. A decade, if they're actually dedicated to what they say.
1 morthond 2018-05-22
Yes
1 NetscapeNavigator9 2018-05-22
Notice the gendered language. No way a woman could manipulate a man and abuse him.
1 GeneticCleansing 2018-05-22
But I thought that you couldn’t hide a bad personality? That’s what IT always tells us when we say we don’t act like this IRL.
If it was all about hiding our feelings on the blackpill, we would all be getting some initial attention, and then once people learned we had “bad personalities”, then they’d leave us.
This never happens. Abusing men get attention before they are found out as abusive. Incels never get attention (and the vast majority of incels wouldn’t be abusive anyways).
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
But of course they will never acknowledge that.... And those fuckign cunts would be better off with me than ANYONE else, but those dumb whores only want chad, I'm indescribably GLAD about women being beaten by their boyfriends as it shpows them what fucking happpens when they don't go for guys like me.
1 ClockRhythmEcho 2018-05-22
Yeah you sound like a real fuckin’ catch, buddy.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Well I know I'm not going to get a girlfriend so why shouldn't I be glad those cunts are suffering because of their own shitty judgement and for not going for guys like me?
1 ClockRhythmEcho 2018-05-22
They’d be worse off with you because then they’d be with someone with an equally shitty, abusive attitude towards them but who is somehow significantly more pathetic. It would be a complete lose-lose scenario.
What do you think is the upside of dating you? What does someone who says “I’m glad women get beaten” offer to women? “Women who get abused are cunts.” Gee, I wonder why you’re alone.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Right... Just accuse me of being shitty, abusive and pathetic right off the bat...
Well maybe they wouldn't get beaten if they were with me and weren't ungrateful cunts.
1 behindcloseddoors1 2018-05-22
If women actually cared about personality they would leave when the abuse starts, but women don't care about being abused as long as it's Chad who is hitting them.
1 Hydroeletric_ 2018-05-22
IT: Incels cant get laid because of their shitty personality. Incels: But people around us don't know we are like this, they think we're normal. IT: Women CAN subconsciously sense your misoginy and hate. Incels: How about abusive and manipulative boyfriends, why can't women detect them? IT: Because women CAN'T subconsciously sense his misoginy and hate.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
"personality"... Fuck of, and we SHOULD devalue women,t they are insane, I think we as a society NEED to devalue those cunts.
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
This is only if you assume everyone who is a boyfriend is abusive, which is a ridiculous concept.
Everything is so black and white on this sub. ALL men and ALL women behave this EXACT way.
The trend here is most of you guys are 18 - 25. Dating is fucking hard at that age, especially if you are a late-bloomer like I was. You guys are so obsessed with this mythical Chad that is basically just guys more attractive than you. Spoiler alert: there are billions of people more attractive than you.
Your math doesn’t add up, or you intentionally ignore any successful relationship. I get being unattractive is hard, I dealt with it for years, but the black and white mentality here doesn’t reflect reality.
1 rileymils 2018-05-22
Not all boyfriends are abusive, but all abusive boyfriends have a better personality than us.
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
That’s silly.
1 gufestus2 2018-05-22
That's what it sounds like when you guys say we need better personality.
1 Slowslugsoup 2018-05-22
Im sure the abusive boyfriends initially appear to have a good personality
1 gufestus2 2018-05-22
Except they don't. They usually have a history of bad and abusive behaviour. They just get away with it because of their face.
1 Slowslugsoup 2018-05-22
Im sure they have a history of abusive behaviour. But most abusers do not show that side at the start of a relationship. You don't win people over like that.
1 gufestus2 2018-05-22
They do. The girls just ignore them or try to rationalise it. "I'm sure he won't do it to me." "He was just misguided." "He's changed a lot since then."
1 Slowslugsoup 2018-05-22
They may know of his abusive past and use those justifications yes. But the fact is he is nice to them to start with to win them over. Girls don't get into relationships with guys that hit them on the first date.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Personality doesn't fucking matter, they would rather be killed by chad than even have a conversation with me and that i why I hate them.
1 191132 2018-05-22
not true. women can sense that shit bro
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
I don’t say that. Attitude and outlook perhaps, but it’s not a switch you can just turn on and off.
1 Korangar_Begins 2018-05-22
This. So much this. I'm not unattractive (maybe 6 face, but fairly tall), but was a late bloomer and am socially awkward. Dating has always been a struggle for me, but forcing myself to interact with girls made it easier and has led me to have some decent relationships.
Let this sink in. Look around. People have relationships. It's not just one night stands.
1 Moist___ 2018-05-22
You're unattractive lmao.
1 Korangar_Begins 2018-05-22
If that is the case I'm not letting it ruin my life like many here. And I'm getting laid soooo..... Cool story bro
1 reddituser321824 2018-05-22
Extremely negative IQ
1 maskedcel 2018-05-22
🖕
1 NewLoadsOfFun 2018-05-22
Yes and thanks to the sexual revolution + modern technology we have to compete with more attractive men directly
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
and compete with hundreds of them....
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Dating is so hard BECAUSE of chads you dumb piece of shit..
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
That’s a self-defeatist attitude. I’m certainly not this sub’s definition of Chad and while dating is hard, it’s not that fucking hard.
You dumb piece of shit.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Women reject me just for approaching.
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
Find a different approach. That’s not a joke. Find women with similar interests or through different media. Of course if you reek of misogyny then you will probably continue to get rejected.
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
Lol added and women’s rights....get the fuck out of here Nazi
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Oh, right, everyone who is against women having the rights to be sluts and ruin a mans life makes me a Nazi... I'm far from a socialist.
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
.....yeah, taking away rights from people is fascism, which is what the Nazis were.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
No, pretty sure fascism is just the re-branded term for socialism for a brief period of time.
1 Finally_Adult 2018-05-22
It isn’t.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Do you think the fascist party in Italy gained support with nothing except the promise of remove rights?
1 Slowslugsoup 2018-05-22
They may know of his abusive past and use those justifications yes. But the fact is he is nice to them to start with to win them over. Girls don't get into relationships with guys that hit them on the first date.
1 ceDrowRanger 2018-05-22
Oh, right, everyone who is against women having the rights to be sluts and ruin a mans life makes me a Nazi... I'm far from a socialist.